Trajedy

On Monday we had a teacher's work day.  We met with all the teachers, gave workshops on active learning, talked about how everything was going, and enjoyed spending a day together.  It was a wonderful day of talking, learning, enjoying each other and growing as a school.  I arrived on Tuesday, re-energized and excited about the work I was doing.  And then we heard the news.

Juhenny, a little girl in our 4-year-old preschool class died the night before.  She had asthma and had been in the hospital over the weekend.  They did bring her back on Monday, but they couldn't save her.  Her two-year-old sister is a student at our school as well and also suffers from asthma.

I heard this news about two minutes before I had to teach my first English class.  As I was teaching my class, the other teachers at the new school building were all finding out.  Several of the teachers left to go to the family's house.  I needed to help take care of the classes of the teachers who had left so I didn't allow myself to think about it and I tried to distance myself from it because when you are standing in front of 30 children who don't understand what is going on, you have to keep it together. 

At noon, when all of the morning students were leaving, I found out that school would  be cancelled for the afternoon classes due to the fact that her burial would be at 3.  Eddy had to tell me this several times before I understood because in my mind I couldn't understand that if she died last night that she could possibly be buried today.  It was at this point that it all hit me.

This child of four years arrived every day with her dad and her little sister.  He was always very protective of them both and carried them up to their classrooms.  He is actually one of the few fathers that I know because he was here every morning.  Both of the girls have struggled with asthma and other complications and when the hurricane passed it made our weather crazy.  The temperature was rising and falling 20 or 30 degrees in a few hours time.  Everyone was feeling the effects of it, and for this child with asthma, it put her in the hospital.  I have been told that she had other complications, but I still can't help but believe that if this child had access to better health care that she might still be alive.  On top of the fact that this family lost their child, they needed to bury her in less than a day.  The family couldn't afford to treat the body.  Their child died on monday night, on tuesday morning her body was brought to their house for the funeral.  She was meant to be buried that morning at 11, but the family needed more time so she was buried at 3 pm instead.  Less than a day since she had died.  That is so fast.  It is too fast.  And it was necessary because of their financial situation. This fact hit me like a ton of bricks and in that moment my heart broke for this family and the tears started and didn't stop for several hours.  Not because it effected me directly, I did know Juhenny and she probably knew me too, but this wasn't my trajedy.  The tears were a result of the knowlege that what this family was going through might have been prevented if they were in a different situation.  I felt so helpless.  I also felt guilty because if I had a child who was sick, I would have the option of going to the US for medical help but this child didn't have that opportunity.

Juhenny's family are not Christians.  Juhenny, however had been in our school for two years and had been taught about Christ's love.  I was told that when she was in the hospital she was singing Christian songs that she had learned at our school.  Our focus now to figure out how we can best help this family.  Their grief is beyond what any of us can imagine but we want them to know that we are here for them and we want to share God's love with them.  We are all praying for this family and some have plans to counsel them as well. Our prayer is that God will give us wisdom and show us how to help them.  Please join us in these prayers.

Why am I here?

Why am I here?  On a day like today, when I am completely exhausted and overwhelmed by the amount of work that I have to do, it's important for me to remember why I am here.  Why AM I living and working in the Dominican Republic?  I decided to explore this question with you because I have found that God helps me understand things as I write about what is happening in my life.

Why am I here?  The question in itself can have many meanings.  For example, it could mean, 'what caused me to come here?' or 'what is my job here?' or 'what is my purpose here?'

What caused me to come here?
Well, I know what caused me to come here, and it's not a what, it's a who.  God led me here.  God showed me in a very clear way that this is where He wanted me to be.  I was so full of faith and love for Him, that I followed Him blindly and trusted Him completely.  I arrived here 10 months ago full of energy and just hoping to be a blessing. 

What is my job here?
My job here has grown and changed.  Last school year, I was the english teacher to grades Kindergarten through 3rd grade.  I also started getting involved in the praise team ministry and helped host people and groups that came down to serve.  This year I am teaching English to Kindergarten through 5th grade, and I am also the preschool coordinator.  I am reconstructing the curriculum, helping teachers understand how children learn and best practices, helping plan and give workshops, and a bunch of other random responsibilities.  I am still making and running the powerpoints for the praise team and helping with special activities and fundraisers.  I am on the church volleyball team and I continue to help coordinate and host people and groups that come to visit.  As my spanish is improving and I am more aware of how things work, there is more and more work that I can do.

What is my purpose here?
As an american, this question often might have the same answer as 'what is my job here?'  But it's not the same.  Because as I think of answers to that question, there are several that are seperate from my job here.  I also think it is important to change the question to 'what is God's purpose for me here?' And although it is true that a part of my purpose here is the work that I am doing, there's more to it than that. I am not just called to do my work and then I'm done.  The children here need so much love and attentions, many come from difficult home situations and have never known true love or the love of God.  My hope and prayer is that I can be an encouragement and a blessing to some of the other young women that I am getting to know through the relationships that I am building with them.  Most of them became Christians later in life and have a lot of things that they need to deal with and move on from in order to continue to grow in Christ.  I believe that God has a purpose for me with the family that I am living with as well.  I also believe that God has several purposes for me personally as well, that He wants this experience to help me grow in my faith and grow in my relationship with Him and become more Christ-like.

So which is more important?  My job or my purpose?  In this mission there is so much work to be done.  I could work non-stop from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed every single day and there would still be more that I could do.  So how do I find the balance?  I am dutch-american, I know what it is to work, and I have a very strong work ethic.  But if working so much is preventing me from fulfilling all of God's purposes for me here, is it worth it?  And if working so much is preventing me from spending time with God and reading the Bible and praying and listening to sermons and growing in my relationship with Him, is it worth it?

So that brings me back to my original question.  Why am I here? I know the answer, I have known it all along.  To serve God.

That is the answer.  I am here because Christ is my Lord and Savior, and He died on the cross for me, and even though I stumble and fall and sin every single day, He loves me in a way that I will never fully understand.  I am here because I love God.  I am here because I decided to surrender all of my control over my life to God.  I am here because I want him to lead me and use me for His purposes.   I am here to serve Him because I want to please Him.  I am here because I know the love of God and I know the peace and joy that comes with feeling the love of God and I want to help show and teach the people here about this love. 

One of my favorite songs that we sing here is called "Sobre la Cruz" and the lyrics to the chorus are:
'Ahora quiero amarte, vivir para agradarte, como tu te entregaste, sin reserves me amaste, asi, asi quiero amarte.'   Roughly translated, 'Now I want to love you, live to please you, how you arrived and loved me without reservations, like this, I want to love you.'