Friday, July 13, 2012

The Visa Story

A Little Background

Three years ago, God gave me a faith like I had never known before.  It was with this faith, that I made the decision to go to the Dominican Republic to serve in His ministry there.  I was absolutely certain that God wanted me there and that He had a purpose for me.  I had no idea what He had planned for me, but I was so sure of His will that I was completely filled with peace with the decision.

Since then, God has blessed me over and over again.  God continued to give me one blessing after the other without me even having to ask.  It was as if God was presenting me with these amazing opportunities and all I had to do was have the faith and the courage to accept.  Everything I wanted, every major life decision was made in the complete assurance that this is what God had planned for me.  It was as if He said “Here is a man that I have spent years preparing for you, He will love you and be a spiritual leader to you, will you take the step in faith and marry him?”  or “the school needs a preschool principal, you have the knowledge and ability to do this job and you will feel useful and fulfilled in your role, will you accept that position in this ministry?”  Each time, all I had to do was accept His blessings and follow His lead.

Each time I accepted, God blessed us more.  He provided for our needs and He gave us the courage, the faith, and the joy that we needed along the way.

You may remember from my post “Eddy’s Visa” that several months ago, Eddy and I started the process to get his visa.  We had tried last summer and been rejected and it was very difficult.  We talked to a few lawyers to see what we should do this time and were told that our chances were very, very slim.  In fact, I think the word “impossible” was used a few times.  We knew that even though getting a visa was “impossible” that God had the power to grant one if He chose to, so we went against legal advice and decided to at least try. 

A Personal Request

Eddy’s visa was something that I wanted so badly.  I wanted him to come to the states for so many reasons.  I wanted him to come to the churches to present with me so that everyone could meet him and get to know his heart.  I wanted my family to have a chance to really get to know him.  I wanted him to be at my sister’s wedding and my brother’s wedding (they were both in June).  I wanted him to see the house I grew up in, I wanted him to meet my grandma.  I felt so strongly that him coming the states would be so beneficial for the ministry, for my family, and for our marriage.

The visa was so important to me.  It was a major, life-altering thing.  Now major, life-altering moments were not new to me, having moved to a new country, started a new career and gotten married over the last 3 years.  However, this time was different.  All of those other things were offered to me along with an undoubted assurance that this was God’s will.  The visa was not just offered to me, in fact it was an impossible request.  And although I completely believed that God had the power to grant that request, I did not have the undoubted assurance that He would.  I knew that He knew better than me and just because I had my reasons for wanting this visa, did not mean that I was right, that it was actually what was best for me.  And there was nothing that I could do.  I just had to wait for His answer.  And that was hard
God's Hand
Even though it was a very personal desire of mine, I felt led to write about it in my blog and I was amazed by the response.  God really used the situation to show us what an amazing group of supporters we have.  I received emails from people saying that they added it to their church’s prayer list, I had people offering to write letters on Eddy’s behalf.  It was amazing.  We could see that God was already using the situation to bless us and teach us.
Bargaining
We knew that if God denied the visa, it was for a reason and that there was probably something that we needed to learn.  So about a week before the appointment I started to try to learn everything that God might be trying to teach us before our appointment.  Shamefully, I admit to you that I was trying to earn it, I was trying to show God that we deserved it.  I was so powerless in the situation that I was trying to take some of the control back.
Admission
So there I was, trying to be the best Chrisitan I could be, trying to learn all of the lessons God might be trying to teach me and then something happened.  The night before we were supposed to go to consulate for our appointment, someone let us down.  We were promised that a letter that we needed for our appointment would be emailed to us that night, and it never arrived.  We tried to get a hold of that person every way possible because we needed that letter, and we never did get a hold of them. 

Here is something that you need to know about me:  I am a sinner.

I try my best to follow God but I sin just like everyone else.  There is not a time that my brokeneness is more evident than when I am hurt and angry.  And that night I was very hurt and angry.  I will tell you that my thoughts and words and actions were not filled with love or grace or mercy.  I was not acting Christ-like. 

Late that night, I  skyped with a friend and she told me that she had just heard a sermon in which her pastor said that whatever struggle you are going through, it is not about the struggle, it about Christ and the cross.  That it always goes back to the cross.  I told her that that sounds like a great truth, but I have no idea what it means.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

I woke up the next morning full of shame.  And I thought to myself, there goes our chances.  If we had any hope of getting a visa, we just lost it, because after a week of trying to show God much I could learn and how great I was, I had completely failed.  I knew that I completely did not deserve to be granted my request for Eddy’s visa.  I didn’t deserve anything.  I was completely aware of what a sinner I was.
My Journey

Since we didn’t know how to get to the consulate, Eddy’s cousin drove us there in our truck.  Eddy was in front with him, so I had over three hours in the back seat to myself to think and pray and listen to my praise and worship cds. 

I spent most of that time talking to God.  I told him that I knew that we didn’t deserve this visa but that we had to at least go to the appointment so could He please just be with us and help us get through what promised to be very difficult day.  Soon after, a song came on my cd.  It’s a song that I grew up with so the words were very familiar to me, but for the first time I actually listened to the lyrics and heard the words.  These are those words:
God be merciful to me
on Thy grace, I rest my plea
Plenteous in compassion Thou
Blot out my transgressions now

Wash me, make me pure within
Cleanse, oh, cleanse me from my sin

My transgressions I confess
Grief and guilt my soul oppress
I have sinned against Thy grace
And provoked Thee to Thy face

I confess Thy judgment just
Speechless, I, Thy mercy trust


I am evil born in sin
Thou desirest truth within
Thou alone my Savior art
Teach Thy wisdom to my heart

Make me pure, Thy grace bestow
Wash me whiter than the snow

Gracious God, my heart renew
Make my spirit right and true
Thy salvation's joy impart
Steadfast make my willing heart
Steadfast make my willing heart

Broken, humbled to the dust
By Thy wrath and judgment just
Let my contrite heart rejoice
And in gladness hear Thy voice

From my sins, oh, hide Thy face
Blot them out in boundless grace


After hearing that song, I finally understood what my friend had said about everything going back to the cross.  There was no way that I could earn or deserve this request that I had made to God.  Just like there is no way that I can earn or deserve God’s love or His grace, nor do we need to.  It is freely given to us.  I fail, I fall down, I sin but I am God’s child and He saved me by His death on the cross and He loves me no matter what and He will always take care of me and work everything out for my good and His purposes.  Compared to that something like Eddy’s visa seemed very small.
The Appointment
We went to our appointment, we stood in several lines, we waited hours, and then it was finally our turn.  When it’s your turn they tell you which line to go in and it’s like you are at a teller.  They are behind glass and speak through a microphone.  After asking us a few questions, he turned his mic off to talk to the other guy sitting next to him and then confirmed what we already knew.  I could see them talking and I could see him say that he was sure we were telling the truth but he just can’t give us the visa.  So then we knew. 

He turned the mic back on and started basically explaining to us why we our situation is so difficult.  We can’t do the spousal visa because we live in the DR but there is so much fraud so we can’t get the visitor visa either.  We could tell he felt bad but that he just couldn’t do it, he didn’t want to see any of our letters or anything that we brought.  I was actually just happy to be talking to someone who knows the law and asked him what options we had.  His answer told us that we had no options, the visitor visa was the right visa, we just won’t ever get it because of all of the fraud that other people have committed. 

But then something changed, I don’t remember what I said but he changed and he actually looked at our letter from the mission organization.  We had been invited to their North American missionary conference.  He was reading it but then he should his head and stamped something and handed Eddy a paper and then said something in Spanish that I did not understand.  I thought he was finally sick of talking to us and was giving us the final “no” but Eddy looked happy so I said “what?” He said “go pay the cashier”  (I knew that the only reason to  go pay the cashier is to pay for them to ship you the passport with the visa inside.)  I said “so, yes?”  He said, “yes but don’t tell anyone I did this for you.”  So we took our papers and we ran.  We paid the cashier and she said that we would receive the visa in 4-6 business days. 

Then we realized that we had no idea how long it was for and when it started. 
Reality
Although we were so excited to know that the visa request had been accepted, the next couple days were difficult.  At that point I already had a plane ticket booked for two weeks later in order to be home for my sister’s wedding.  Talking to that guy confirmed that this could very well be a once in a lifetime opportunity and we may not get a visa again for a very long time.   The reality of the situation was hitting us.  We knew that this would be a burden that we would always have to carry.  That we would always be fighting this fight, trying to get visas and we knew that we had to find a way to accept that.  But we were  realizing how hard that was actually going to be. 

We knew the visa would either be 1 month or 3 months.  We were praying for 3 months because we knew that we had to fit everything into this one visit.  In my wildest dreams I thought maybe we would get 1 year, because then we could have one Christmas with my family but I knew that that was a long shot, so we focused on hoping and praying for 3 months. 
The Answer
A few days later, we got a call that the messenger was in the area so Eddy ran down to meet him.  He came back and told me that the visa was for 10 years.  I didn’t believe him.  I think I said “no” 15 times. 

Then he showed me the visa and I read: “expiration date May 6, 2022”. 

 In that moment, God took away our greatest burden and worry all at once.  Getting a ten year visa is unheard of, especially for your first visa.  It’s unbelievable, it’s impossible, but it’s what God did for us.
(FYI -What this means is that for the next 10 years, Eddy can travel to and visit the United States as much as he wants.  We can decide to make the trips based on personal reasons or ministry needs.  Our visits are no longer based on whether or not we will be able to get a visa.  It is the most amazing gift that God could have given us.)

So here I am, a sinner.  Someone who first tried to convince God of all of the reasons He should give us a visa, and then tried to earn and deserve it, and then proved how much she didn’t deserve it and how far she has to go in her walk with God.  And in the end, God not only gave that sinner the desire of her heart, but He gave her 10 times more than she even dared to hope for.