The First Six Months

When I was back in the states last month, I was asked to speak in church about my first six months in the DR. I spent a lot of time reflecting and praying about my first six months and wrote several different descriptions. The following is not the one that I chose to say in church, but I just found it on my computer and as I am readjusting to life here again, I needed to be reminded of these things that I had written about my life down here. So I thought I would share it with you as well.



"the last six months have been a journey. I have been through a lot, i have had ups and downs, but God has taught me many lessons along the way. But through it all there are two truths that i am now fully aware of:
1. That, on my own, I am completly incapable of doing everything that I hope to accomplish in the DR. and 2. that nothing is impossible with God

I have been made very aware of my own weaknesses. As soon as I arrived, I could feel the weight of the responsibility on my shoulders, and I was overwhelmed. I struggled with feeling inadequate for what God wanted me to do. I felt like, being a missionary, I should be more than what I am. Someone better than me should have been chosen for this mission, someone stronger, someone more capable. But at the same time I knew that God had chosen me for it, I never questioned the fact that it was God's will for me to be here, I just had no idea why. I compared myself to the other missionaries that I knew and I didn't seem to fit. My personality is not quite what I thought a missionary's should be. I am not very outgoing, I tend to be a little shy, I don't necessarily like being around new people. So, I beat myself up about it. I tried to change myself into who I thought I was supposed to be, what I thought a missionary is supposed to be like. But through that process I learned a few important things. First, God makes us all different for a reason. We are not meant to be cookie-cutter shapes of each other. We are each given different spiritual gifts so that together we form the body with Christ as our head. I needed to see that God made me as I am, and He, in His infinite wisdom gave me a set of unique strengths and weaknesses, spiritual gifts, and personality traits because He has a unique plan and a purpose for me. Also, I needed to be reminded that it's not about me. I am a sinner and I am weak, we all are, and He uses us to achieve great things so that He will be glorified through our works. So I needed to stop trying to find a way to be good enough, and completely lean on Him and allow Him to be my strength and to guide my actions and to work through me in the lives of the children and people around me. I needed to stop trying to change myself into who I thought I was supposed to be and allow Him to work in me and change me into the person He wants me to be for His purposes.

I love living in the DR. I love it because I know that it is where God wants me to be. And through it all, through the ups and the downs, through the struggles, through the sicknesses, there is a peace and joy that comes with knowing that you are in God's will. That you are following God and completely trust that He is there beside you and will never leave."